I have one those faces….
the completely approachable kind…
you know what I mean
one of those faces that invite people to spill their guts.
One of those faces that attract weirdos like moths to a flame.
It has always been this way.
I’m the “Dear Abby” that people come to for advice.
I’m the one strangers ask for directions.
I’m the person, while clearly not wearing the uniform am always thought to work wherever I am shopping.
“Ma’am what aisle has the Soy Sauce?”
“Excuse me can you get something off this top shelf for me?”
I have friends that can attest to this.
No matter where I am, someone is going to approach me.
I have so many stories that cause my friends to shake their heads knowingly and say, “Only you!”
But it is not me.
I assure you.
It just happens to me.
No, I’m not playing the victim.
In this area of my life I seem to have no control.
Case in point. Picture it: St. Petersburg, 2013, a Thursday, Dr’s office. A girl sits in the waiting room. That girl was me.
Mind you, I was only there accompanying a friend who didn’t want to be alone.
So she and I sit to wait for her name to be called. From my left, it starts. These are just the highlights:
Commenting on someone else’s tattoo mind you…“Tasty, oh how interesting do you think she tastes things, is she a taste tester? I always wondered who landed those cushy jobs. Does she get to taste ice cream and coffee and stuff?”
“I really don’t know…I think it means she is tasty,” I say with a slight blush.
“Ohhhh…I think I know what you mean…naughty!”
“So why is it I’m the only man in here?”
“Well, I’d guess that would be because this is a an Obstetrician and Gynecologist’s office.”
“Oh, thats why they are all pregnant!” “So how far along are you?”
“Oh…I’m not pregnant…just here with a friend”
“Come on….when are you due?”
“Really, I am not pregnant…just fat.” (uncomfortable smile)
“Well I never had kids, I knew I would be a horrible dad.” “My friends had me house sit and water their plants while they were on vacation and I couldn’t even keep those alive.”
“Then I guess it is good you never had any children.”
“Married 23 years and no kids…wanna know the secret to a long, happy marriage?”
“We don’t live together! I live down the street from her and we talk on the phone every day and see each other a couple of times a week. Other than that she gets annoyed with me.”
“I see….that is an interesting arrangement…”
“Is it ok if I put my hand on your belly to feel the baby kick?”
“Again, sir…I am not pregnant…”
And finally his wife steps in with, “Why don’t you stop talking that girl’s ear off.”
10 responses to “I have one those faces…”
Waiting rooms: a microcosm of discomfort and awkwardness only paralleled in elevators.
🙂 So damn true! Thank you for reading and commenting.
You’re welcome, and your poetry, from what I’ve read, is beautiful.
Thanks again…please kick your shoes off and stay awhile 🙂 Comments are always welcome (encouraged):)
I have had many a bad experience in waiting rooms. I personally think OB -GYN offices are the most interesting. Something is always so awkward feeling. Can’t put a finger on it really. Great post.
Thank you…a departure from my poetry but had to share 🙂
OMG Melanie, I can’t believe that! You don’t look mean enough, that’s for sure. Ya gotta learn the glare…like, come near me and it’s the last thing you’ll ever do, glare…LOL You only need to use it when necessary but it’s a good thing to learn. Keeps the creeps away. Growling couldn’t hurt either. What is WRONG with people. I can see why his wife lives in a different house but why didn’t she shut him up earlier. Next time change seats. Grrrrrrrrrrr. Annoying, but you wrote it beautifully, as always. Remember…glare…just feel as if you want to rip the person’s liver through his/her nose and you will automatically have a look on your face that will scare anyone away, one way or another…LOLOLOL
LOL Happens all the time…. I just can’t pull it off them mean thing. I’m to nice…I actually will direct people to the correct aisle or get something from a shelf they can’t reach or in this case humor an old man who was obviously starving for conversation! LOL
you’re too sweet
That is debatable LOL