Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies (cliches)

A story about Jack and Diane (apologies to John Mellencamp)

Time is money, so to make a long story short…

Jack and Diane were like two ships passing in the night

Diane was always a bridesmaid, never the bride

she was all dressed up with nowhere to go

I’m telling you she was dressed to kill

but you see all that glitters isn’t gold

 you sure cannot judge a book by it cover !

Now, Jack had a face only a mother could love

he was all thumbs

and as thick as a brick

but he was raking in the money hand over fist

unfortunately all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

however, as they say, beggars can’t be choosers

and everyone knows two heads are better than one

so you can bet your bottom dollar they both learned

love was better late than never

through some twist of fate she was in the right place at the wrong time

he ran in like a bat out of hell

a veritable bull in a china shop

with his two left feet he tripped her up.

Diane went flying ass over tea kettle!

He just grinned and said “fancy meeting you here.”

For her it was not love at first sight

as they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink!

BUT no worries, dear reader

 the bigger they are the harder they fall

and Love is blind so they decided to tie the knot

“Diane, I’ll love you through thick and thin”

“Jack, I’ll love you until the cows come home”

On their honeymoon they lay naked as a jaybirds

and as snug as bugs in a rug

they put a bun in Diane’s oven that very night!

All’s well that ends well!

(Fast forward 1o months)

Jack was  all thumbs and as high as a kite

he managed to throw the baby out with the bathwater!

Diane got all bent out of shape

so its back to the drawing board

I guess you really can’t have your cake and eat it too

catch my drift?

~Melanie Thomason

• A reblog from June 17, 2013