What’s love got to do with it? Tina Turner asks…
“I’m not a smart man but I know what love is.” says Forest Gump.
Well I don’t.
What is love? It has a different definition for each of us…if it exists at all.
I don’t know what love is.
BUT I know what it isn’t.
Love is not about power.
Love is not control.
Love is not abuse.
Belittling someone is not love.
Controlling someone is not love.
Beating someone is not love.
If my father loved me he wouldn’t have abused me- verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually.
If my brother, cousins, uncle loved me they wouldn’t have touched me in that way.
If my grandparents loved me they would have taken me out of the situation or done something to help.
If my mother loved me she wouldn’t have made me feel less than. She wouldn’t have encouraged my brother’s abuses. She wouldn’t have been jealous of my father’s attention.
I could go on and on there are many more examples…but let’s fast forward to adult relationships.
Just a couple examples:
If “D” loved me he wouldn’t have chipped away at what little self-esteem I had. He wouldn’t have asked me why I deprived him from being with “hot” girls. He wouldn’t have literally spat in my face.
If “N” loved me he wouldn’t have told me how wonderful I was, how fun and creative and passionate I was but then break up with me cause it was time he settled down and he “didn’t want his kids to have a fat mom.”
You know what else love isn’t?
Love is not losing yourself in someone else.
It is not about sacrifice. It is all well and good to do things for the ones you love AND you shouldn’t have to do so at the expense of yourself.
Love should not be based on fear.
Love should not hurt.
11 responses to “what is love anyway?”
Wow, Melanie. That was fantastic. It’s like opening a door and letting the light in for so many others. It’s wonderful.
I couldn’t have said it better!
Thanks, it certainly isn’t the fairy tale stuff we are told either!
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So beautiful and so sad. Love is being vulnerable with another person, and they with you. It’s fire and excitement and passion mixed with a commitment to “us.” Most of all, love is work.
Thanks, Chelsea. I want to believe that love is all those things too and more 🙂
I think that at times Love is a leap of faith – the best that we can hope for is that the other is leaping with us and not waiting to laugh at our fall.
Well put, you!
To me love is something best accomplished in the late night hours when I roll over and find myself alone and feel able to rejoice in the fact that I am no longer sleeping with my own worst enemy. Myself.
Brill piece, Mel. You got yourself a follower…
That is an accomplishment! It is an easy trap to fall into, being one’s own worst enemy. Made great progress AND still have to remind myself to stop the negative self talk.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment and for visiting so many of my words today.
You are welcome anytime and as a friend says, “Kick your shoes off, stay awhile.” 🙂