WINTERING

Originally posted in 2013. Poem with Audio 🙂

Wordifull

Wintering this body.

I wear my seperateness

like a shield from fantasy

and the fear of cold.

I know by now

one santa claus

who comes with a strange,

black gift for each of us.

I know love is real

but a fugitive from law.

That freedom’s breath is raw

and the world we think round

is shapeless after all.

~ Melanie Blackwell

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hush now

hush now

no one wants to hear

keep it to yourself

don’t air our dirty laundry

what would the neighbors think?

hush now

don’t cry

we are all big boys and girls

crying is for babies

or in the dark of night all by yourself

hush now

don’t speak

some truth might just slip out

we wouldn’t want that

now, would we?

~Melanie Thomason

Failure

his sense of failure

is palpable

seeping from his pores

like booze

the morning after

a hard drunk

it permeates

his being

choking any chance

at happiness

real or imagined

~Melanie Thomason

let my soul shine

dirty, dark urges

stole all of my firsts

I was too little,

too young

to fight

how could I

let my soul shine

bruised and bleeding

doubting

my worth

feeling deserving

of my poor,

white

plight

how could I

let my soul shine

foul, muscled hands

muffled my cries

in the night

somehow I knew to

let my soul shine

living in darkness

that tried to

smother

all light

I had to try to

let my soul shine

i couldn’t make them love me

try

as I might

still, I had to

let my soul shine

from my family’s cage

at fourteen,

this bird

finally

took flight

to freely

let my soul shine

⊗

~Melanie Blackwell

To say I felt an emotional connection with Maya Angelou’s poetry would be an understatement.  

The above poem is my meager tribute to a phenomenal woman. I leave you with a quote.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

― Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter

beach-hued rejection

I waded into the brisk blue water

despite of

or because of

my inability to swim

sun-swept memories

prove too sparse to rely on

for warmth

and I’ve been cold

too long

so I kept walking

slowly

until my toes no longer touched

the ocean floor

finding my body

if not my spirit

buoyant

i continued

to inch further into

the deep

thoughts of drowning

entered my mind

yet did nothing

to deter my progress

I turned to see the shore

far behind me

the beach speckled

with what i assume

were once people

if I went under

no one could reach me

growing tired, I waited

for one last sunset

and as the sun met the ocean

I stopped all movement

willing my existence to pass

I closed my eyes

as i felt the water

closing in

over my head

waiting for the searing pain

that comes from breathing saline

yet

suddenly I was floating

the ocean had spat me back out

it seems even Death didn’t want me

~Melanie Blackwell

 

 

Micropoetry

The fabulous Bianca was kind enough to add artwork to some of my micropoetry.  I hope you enjoy her creations and my words.

 

Cell Memory

there-

do you see it?

look!

look harder

you gotta kinda squint your eyes

and let go

let the focus slide a little off

and look with your soul

with the wide red eyes of your heart

now

LOOK

do you see?

do you SEE?

♦

i dreamt of you and that is the scary part

it’s not just that you’re you and you’re beautiful

it’s that you are so aptly suited to me

like i couldn’t have built you better

♦

sometimes, oh, sometimes i think i am so STUPID —

so stupid to let myself get into this mess

but i’ve been living it for so long i don’t know what else to do or how else to be

sometimes,  oh sometimes,  i wonder

♦

yes, it is to You, but i won’t let you read this

because it doesn’t mean anything

and you don’t need to know

it’s all been to someone

all of it

it’s always been aimed somewhere

just happens to be you — this time

which is to say —

it’s the most real thing in the world

♦

but in the end

it is less about you

and more about me

because when you’re gone

i will still have my words

♦

me and my Words

a match made somewhere on the rim of hell

♦

oh, and i don’t even know what i’m blathering about anymore

it’s all gotten lost in the translation from thought to tongue to paper

it is all lost

and i’m

lost

LOST

♦

if I keep this up I’m gonna say something I can’t take back

going to confess some terrible rhyme

one of these days you’ll take your hair down and it will kill me

i don’t know how to explain but i have this THING for hair

for long dark hair on long white men

it’s something older than time and a memory in my cells

some THING that makes my soul ache

♦

i am ample distraction

if i sit here long enough

maybe i’ll sprout roots

maybe i’ll grow on you

(sounds like a threat to me — better run!)

(come undone)

(better do it, now –or else)

♦

when you opened the door did you expect to find me?

do you know what you are looking at?

do you know me and will you hear my name?

♦

i don’t ask or offer because i don’t want to be turned down

even gracious objection is wounding enough on its own

without the killing pain of outright refusal

but — you KNOW, now you know, i told you and you still talk to me like i’m a human being —

that is something

something i wouldn’t have had the guts for a year ago

do you ever wonder at the tide of time?

do you wonder as the candy-man plinks coins off the links in my spine?

♦

not like that, not like it was but as it will be

future imperfect, the residual of years of languages —

♦

wild

feral

bestial

Queen

oh the things

you might have been

♦

i couldn’t let it be a secret, not this time, you’re too you for me to have suffered in silence

where is this going?

is it at an end —

oh gods

i don’t know

how to end

i never have

that’s my curse

and gift i guess

this mobius strip of endless dithering

i think i must

stop

now

or else

it’s time

now

for my date

with

Death

~Melanie Blackwell

*an old journal entry unearthed

some-thing

countless midnights

unsleeping

spent walking quietly 

in the darkness

enjoying the comforting solitude

the night affords

but this night

something

earthbound

some thing prowls

shadows rustle

haunt and growl

nerves jangle

shivers careen down my spine

panicked 

I run 

alone

in the black

imagining a stampede

of horns and teeth

of maggots swarming beneath skin

some thing grabs hold

squeezing

screams

from my unwilling throat

chocking

sobbing

I strain

I break in two

sins run red

–

mutiply my body into darkness

–

~Melanie Blackwell