Need a friend?

Hi All!

As some of you read awhile back I added a Featured Friends page next to Home, Awards & Who is Responsible for This? (my about me page) you can also jump directly there by clicking this link Fabulous Featured Friends .  I have recently revised the list and encourage you to check it out!  I know you will find someone whose work you will love.

I have one those faces…

I have one those faces….

the completely approachable kind…

you know what I mean

one of those faces that invite people to spill their guts.

One of those faces that attract weirdos like moths to a flame.

It has always been this way.

I’m the “Dear Abby” that people come to for advice.

I’m the one strangers ask for directions.

I’m the person, while clearly not wearing the uniform am always thought to work wherever I am shopping.

“Ma’am what aisle has the Soy Sauce?”

“Excuse me can you get something off this top shelf for me?”

I have friends that can attest to this.

No matter where I am, someone is going to approach me.

I have so many stories that cause my friends to shake their heads knowingly and say, “Only you!”

But it is not me.

I assure you.

It just happens to me.

No, I’m not playing the victim.

In this area of my life I seem to have no control.

Case in point. Picture it: St. Petersburg, 2013, a Thursday, Dr’s office. A girl sits in the waiting room. That girl was me.

Mind you, I was only there accompanying a friend who didn’t want to be alone.

So she and I sit to wait for her name to be called.  From my left, it starts. These are just the highlights:

Commenting on someone else’s tattoo mind you…“Tasty, oh how interesting do you think she tastes things, is she a taste tester?  I always wondered who landed those cushy jobs.  Does she get to taste ice cream and coffee and stuff?”  

“I really don’t know…I think it means she is tasty,” I say with a slight blush.

“Ohhhh…I think I know what you mean…naughty!”

“So why is it I’m the only man in here?” 

“Well, I’d guess that would be because this is a an Obstetrician and Gynecologist’s office.”

“Oh, thats why they are all pregnant!” “So how far along are you?”

“Oh…I’m not pregnant…just here with a friend”

“Come on….when are you due?” 

“Really, I am not pregnant…just fat.” (uncomfortable smile)

“Well I never had kids, I knew I would be a horrible dad.” “My friends had me house sit and water their plants while they were on vacation and I couldn’t even keep those alive.”

“Then I guess it is good you never had any children.”

“Married 23 years and no kids…wanna know the secret to a long, happy marriage?”

“Sure”

“We don’t live together!  I live down the street from her and we talk on the phone every day and see each other a couple of times a week.  Other than that she gets annoyed with me.”

“I see….that is an interesting arrangement…”

“Is it ok if I put my hand on your belly to feel the baby kick?”

“Again, sir…I am not pregnant…”

And finally his wife steps in with, “Why don’t you stop talking that girl’s ear off.”

~Melanie Blackwell

New page to Highlight Featured Friends

Found this beautiful image on several sites yet no idea who to credit.

Hi All!

As some of you read awhile back I added a Featured Friends section on my home page.  I have added a few more people to that section and decided to also create a separate page for this as well.  You can find it next to Home, Awards & Who is Responsible for This? (my about me page)

Again, please don’t be offended if you are not on this list. I will revise as I go along 🙂

My goal here is to just a highlight just a handful of people who:
-actively participate (comments etc)
-whose talent I admire
-who inspire me

I “follow” quite a few blogs but the following are ones that I have truly connected with.

They are a diverse group offering everything from poetry to photography and humor to artwork.

Please visit each of these amazing people. There is something for everyone. Enjoy!

~Melanie

Bad Boy (C.C. #4)

Have you seen the latest Chicken Escapade?  Click on the link below to go to Gigi’s  site to see what we are up to.

Bad Boy.

Chicken Strip (C.C. #3)

Gigi and I are having a blast and now Laurie has joined the fun!  Click on the link below to go to Gigi’s  site to see what we are up to.

Chicken Strip.

 

a coffee catastrophe

I needed coffee and wanted it hot

Grounds in the filter, water in the pot

Pressed the button to start the brewing

Fed the cats to stop their mewling

Bleary eyed and half asleep

I sat on the couch and waited for the beep

Finally, It was ready and so was I

I needed a cup on the fly

I didn’t notice the brown river on the floor

or on the counter and dripping off the cabinet door

i slipped and flat on my back I fell

knocked the wind out of me, bloody hell

to add insult to bruising injury

the cats are drinking the coffee instead of me!

—

~Melanie Blackwell

Gift?

Unwanted presents

Mutilated carcasses

Thanks kitty, but no!

~Melanie Blackwell

Seuss gets the Shakes

** Note: I decided to rewrite a scene from Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream as if Dr. Seuss had written it instead. No offense intended and I hope you find this as amusing as I did. I think combining the sexual antics of Shakespeare with the playful rhyming of Seuss reinforces the comedic effect of the scene.

The section of the play I am rewriting is from Act 2 Scene 1 Lines 188-212

Here are the original lines to refresh thine memory:

Enter Demetrius, Helena following him.

DEMETRIUS:

I love thee not; therefore pursue me not.

Where is Lysander and fair Hermia?

The one I’ll slay; the other slayeth me.

Thou toldst me they were stol’n unto this wood;

And here am I, and wode within this wood,

Because I cannot meet my Hermia.

Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more.

HELENA:

You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant;

But yet you draw not iron, for my heart

Is true as steel. Leave you your power to draw,

And I shall have no power to follow you.

DEMETRIUS:

Do I entice you? Do I speak you fair?

Or rather do I not in plainest truth

Tell you I do not nor I cannot love you?

HELENA:

And even for that do I love you the more;

I am your spaniel; and, Demetrius,

The more you beat me, I will fawn on you.

Use me but as your spaniel; spurn me, strike me,

Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave,

Unworthy as I am, to follow you.

What worser place can I beg in your love

(And yet a place of high respect with me)

Than to be used as you use your dog?

DEMETRIUS:

Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit,

For I am sick when I do look on thee.

And now I humbly submit my rewrite:

DEMETRIUS:

I do not love you, don’t follow me

I do not love you, don’t you see?

I do not love you here or there

I do not love you anywhere

I do not love you, there is no we

Helena, Helena please let me be

Where is Lysander, where is he?

Where is Hermia, where could she be?

I’ll kill him and she kills me

I need her, I love her, don’t you see?

Helena, Helena please let me be

You said that they came this way

They are not here–so go away!

I do not love you, don’t you see?

Helena, Helena please let me be

I would not, could not in the woods

I would not want to if I could

I could not love you even if I should

So do not follow me, it will do no good

HELENA:

Like metal to magnet you draw me near

Could you love me and calm my fears?

Yet, if you were to demagnetize 

I’d no longer desire you between my thighs

DEMETRIUS:

I have not tricked you or told you lies?

The love you sell my heart won’t buy

HELENA:

You push me away like a common whore

Even so it is you I adore

I am your hounddog baying at the moon

Even if you beat me and come too soon

Use me, abuse me as you will

Do what you want till you have your fill

Believe me, Demetrius, I will love you still

Would you, could you, throw me a treat

Or at least, my love, let me lay at your feet?

DEMETRIUS:

I do not love you don’t you see?!

Helena, Helena let me be!

Your very presence sickens me!

~Melanie Blackwell

Forgive me  😉