what is love anyway?

image from pixabay

 

What’s love got to do with it? Tina Turner asks…

Good question. 

“I’m not a smart man but I know what love is.” says Forest Gump.

Well I don’t. 

What is love?  It has a different definition for each of us…if it exists at all.

I don’t know what love is.

BUT I know what it isn’t.

Love is not about power.

Love is not control.

Love is not abuse.

Belittling someone is not love.

Controlling someone is not love.

Beating someone is not love.

If my father loved me he wouldn’t have abused me- verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually.

If my brother, cousins, uncle loved me they wouldn’t have touched me in that way.

If my grandparents loved me they would have taken me out of the situation or done something to help.

If my mother loved me she wouldn’t have made me feel less than.  She wouldn’t have encouraged my brother’s abuses.  She wouldn’t have been jealous of my father’s attention.

I could go on and on there are many more examples…but let’s fast forward to adult relationships.

Just a couple examples:

 If “D” loved me he wouldn’t have chipped away at what little self-esteem I had. He wouldn’t have asked me why I deprived him from being with “hot” girls. He wouldn’t have literally spat in my face.

If “N” loved me he wouldn’t have told me how wonderful I was, how fun and creative and passionate I was but then break up with me cause it was time he settled down and he “didn’t want his kids to have a fat mom.”

You know what else love isn’t?

Love is not losing yourself in someone else.

It is not about sacrifice.  It is all well and good to do things for the ones you love AND you shouldn’t have to do so at the expense of yourself.

Love should not be based on fear.

Love should not hurt.

 

~Melanie Thomason

02/21/2020

Thank goodness they had gone.

 

 

Thank goodness they had gone.  She had never wanted them here in the first place.  She certainly didn’t invite them as she had never wanted to see them again for the rest of her life.  How had her parents even found her? She had left them behind years ago and thought she had left no trace for them to follow.

Gretchen picked up the tattered pieces of herself that their surprise visit had ripped from her with gnarled claws and gnashing teeth.  It had taken years to build herself up after an entire childhood of their abuses.  She thought she was past that part of her life and could no longer be hurt by them.  But it seems her self-esteem is still tenuous at best. She would heal, she promised herself, after all she had come so far and they didn’t own her anymore.

And, they were gone.  Gretchen heaved a sigh of relief and took a deep calming breath to center herself.  She could swear she could still smell them; that somehow evil had a stench and it had somehow lingered.  She might think about moving again later, but for now she set about cleaning…cleaning her apartment and herself to be rid of them again.  Gretchen turned the music up loud to drown out their voices in her head that she thought had been banished.  She cleaned and she sang and as the music filled her she started to feel better.

~Melanie Thomason

02/08/2020

Beautiful Friend

http://www.layoutsparks.com/pictures/butterfly-13

 

I could —

But there is Death to remember,

Jim’s beautiful friend,

there is the pain to remember

the pretty red thoughts of steel on skin

and the stinging bite as you slide flesh under blade

~

I could —

But there is a time for everything

and maybe my bones need not be ground to dust just yet

or maybe there is time left to dream

~

I am a butterfly in chains,

black booted, bereaved, all in sinner’s black

~

There is a time and place for everything

oh why is it so damn difficult

this business of love and Death

and oh what a mess

~Melanie Thomason

shadow of what once was

Image by bruce lam from Pixabay

in fleeting kisses

our breaths mingle

hands once held tightly

have lost their grasp

still our lives are entwined

our love is still true

just a shadow

of what once was

~Melanie Thomason

4/6/19

 

 

how they met

delicious urges boiled and simmered

as she watched the gorgeous man-boy swim

diving into the mist and spray of the sea once again

watching his bare skin glisten as he emerged into the sun

lying there on the beach she allowed herself to daydream

of feeling him against her, of tasting the salt on his skin

drunk on the thought, she languished, half asleep

not noticing his approach until she heard a voice above her

“Sorry to intrude but I was watching you watching me…”

and that is how they met

~Melanie Thomason 2/21/19

 

So my friend Gigi has been writing a series of short stories How They Met, spinning fabulous tales of could be couples’ first encounters.  If you haven’t read any of them, you really should.  Anyway she inspired me…and the above poem is a tip of my hat, if you will, to her.

 

 

no way to live

A life lived in service of another

one, undeserving of such devotion

one, that doesn’t even see it

one, who professes to think so highly

one, who still has no clue

and how insulting is that from the

one, who is supposed to know you better than anyone else

You ask, How it is that you now find yourself

knee deep and questioning, yet again?

It is simple really

you’ve lived your life in service of another

undeserving of such devotion

~Melanie Thomason

2/20/19

 

math and baggage

we are but travelers here

picking up a few souvenirs along the way

i know things don’t always go right

and so i write

ya see I’ve never been good at math

but when I feel like i have nothing left

it all adds up to you

there beside me,

slightly to the left

making me more than one

and i know that i have won

I am worthy of love after all

and that particular piece of baggage can be tossed aside

cause i no longer have need of it

~Melanie Thomason

 

 

 

 

 

after the fact

i hate you up on your high horse

hate you, not the horse, of course

you talk about how i caused you

so much anxiety

but we both know i had nothing to do

with your insecurities

guess you now believe all the lies

you’ve told yourself

as the inconvenient truth dies

on a dusty shelf

go ahead and enjoy your little victories

but only cause you’ve rewritten HIStory

~Melanie Thomason

2/19/19