Tag Archives: survivor

“Learn your Place” – not your typical Valentine’s Day story

This is a reblog that I posted back in 2014….

It was Valentine’s Day (sometime in the late 90’s) and since I had recently been dumped I was looking at a depressing evening at home alone.  Weighing my options I decided to go out for a couple drinks instead of staying in and consuming the ice cream consolation prize I had purchased earlier that day.

I wore the brand new, milk chocolate colored silk blouse I had bought to wear on a date that was not to be.  Screw it!  I was only going to the dive bar that was within stumbling distance of my apartment but might as well look nice.

I wasn’t there long when I noticed this big, burly guy who was just being an all-around jerk to his date.  Negative comments and general snarkiness then out of nowhere he backhands her across the face so hard that she flies into the wall.  He snarled “I said get me a beer!”  The thing is she was…she just didn’t move fast enough to suit him.

I looked around in wonder as no one, absolutely no one, made a move to do ANYthing.  I went over there without really thinking and said something really scathing (I’m sure it was, really) like “Get a life, Big Man!”  I don’t really remember what I said in all honesty but he told me I needed to learn my place and she (the woman being abused) told me to mind my own business.  Incredible.

I made my way back to my bar stool and ordered a fresh drink.  The bartender asked what I had said to the guy and said well “if looks could kill” and warned me that he was “boring holes” through my back.  I said “Oh, well… maybe he will leave her alone while he glares at me.”

And…that was that.  Nothing else transpired.

A couple drinks and a couple hours later I decided to go out for some fresh air because the cigarette smoke that permeated the place was burning my eyes.  I walked outside and leaned against the brick wall and closed my eyes. That was all it took… just a couple of seconds with my guard down.  He was there.  I never heard him come out but he was right in front of me. Ripping my shirt open, clawing at my neck, spitting venom in my face, “Bitch, I’ll show you your place” as he tried to push me behind the dumpster, to the pavement littered with broken beer bottles.  It became alarmingly clear exactly what he meant to do.  Exactly how he was going to show me my place. I wouldn’t, couldn’t let that happen.  Never Again.

I struggled to break free but he was too big, he was overpowering me.  I pulled my knife.

The knife I thought I would never use.  My best friend had given me this knife and insisted I learn how to use it…made me practice opening and using it, stabbing cardboard.  I thought it was ridiculous and only went through the motions to humor him.

Now his words echoed through my head, “Only pull it if you are going to use it.”

This guy wasn’t afraid though.  He laughed when I said “Don’t make me” and sneered “Like you are going to use it.”  He lunged at me and in the seconds before his fist met my face I stepped forward to meet him and plunged the entire blade into his stomach and twisted it before pulling it back out.

I’ll never forget the look of disbelief on his face as he reached down and felt the blood gushing through his shirt.  He said “What did you do that for?”

It was then people decided to step in to break things up.  I don’t know when people had come out but suddenly someone was taking my knife from me (which was easy enough as I was just holding it loosely staring at the blood, his blood on my hand.)  People were looking and talking and Douchbag was yelling about calling the cops.

I went inside, holding my shirt closed with one hand, and walked directly behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of vodka to douse my hand.  Then I called a cab and paid my tab and slipped out the back.  The cab got there before the police…

The next few days were agonizing.  I knew I had acted in self-defense but I had left the scene.  I had no idea what had happened after I left.  I also knew that all knife and/or bullet wounds that showed up at the ER had to be reported to the police.  I kept waiting for a knock at the door.

Then one day at work I saw my bartender of all people walking down the hall towards me.  It was surreal; I had never seen him outside of the bar… not to mention in the light of day.  He told me that when I left the guy had come in to use the phone to call the police.  He had told him that it wouldn’t be a problem but needed to do one thing first.  Then he got on the loudspeaker (normally reserved for “Last Call” announcements) and said everyone who saw this guy beating up on his girlfriend and then attacking Melanie please come to this side of the bar.”  The ensuing crowd of witnesses effectively dissuaded the call to police.

So that was that.  My knife had been cleaned and was returned to me.  As far as what happened to Douchbag… he lived.   From what we heard later he got stitched up by a friend who was a doctor.

And I, gentle reader, for a short time, was seen as a bit of a bad ass… and my drinks were free.

Melanie Thomason

***Note this was long ago and I no longer go to bars and very, very rarely get in fights. 😉 Though I do still carry a knife just in case I need it.

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no amnesty

youth, like delicate petals,

crushed under boot

innocence lost

but something else took root

words and hands

left a lasting impression

being born

was her only transgression

though her trust and body

were both betrayed

in her heart

was born this crusade

to speak for those

who haven’t the choice

to see the truth

and give it voice

Hear this, predators:

whether stanger, “friend” or “family”

For your crimes

there will be no amnesty!

~Melanie Thomason

reblog from 2014

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Filed under People/Causes I believe In, Poetry, reblog

Aberration

as a child she was called an

aberration

she was shunned by all her

blood relations

treated like some sort of

vile mutation

yet that didn’t stop

incestuous molestation

she endured years of abuse

without deviation

¨

child grew to teen yet no help came for

the duration

so she had no real hope left of white knight style

salvation

she became increasingly aware of even strangers

condemnation

she began to exist in a state of

hibernation

a self-imposed

mental stagnation

¨

for her family there was no

vaccination

she even tried to slough them off through

exfoliation

hoping for loofah induced

decontamination

only red raw skin resulted

not purification

¨

while once again suffering under

grotesque gyrations

she came to startling

realization

there was only one way to

ensure cessation

she planned a different sort of

amputation

how many years would she serve for each

castration?

~Melanie Thomason

Reblog from 2013

*disclaimer no one was castrated (whether deserving or not) for the creation of this poem.

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With words that must be said?

So a few times lately I’ve seen comments and posts about the validity of all the different Awareness of this and Prevention of that days, weeks or months…

… is it needed?  Does it matter? Is it only preaching to the choir to post these things here? Does it make a difference?

I will answer to all of the above: YES and NO!

April, as I’ve already posted about a few times now, is Child Abuse Prevention Month AND Sexual Assault Awareness Month. It is sad that these issues need months set aside to talk about them but I’m glad for whatever light can be shone.  I personally think these are issues that we should talk about all the time…until they no longer exist.  Violence against women and children haven’t gone anywhere.  Ageism, Sexism, and all the other isms haven’t gone anywhere. So yes we still need to talk about them.

Truthfully, talk alone isn’t enough.  Each of us needs to take action as well.

I shouldn’t have to tell anyone that they shouldn’t hurt other people, right?  No child should ever be abused, right?  Yet, look around.

Women and children are beaten everyday. Yes, men are abused as well and that is not ok either. It is just that the majority of the time abuse is directed at women and children, STILL, and that pisses me off.  It should piss you off too!

Rape is not a thing of the past.  It also often isn’t a stranger but someone the victim know and should be able to trust.  We shouldn’t have to tell anyone that No does not mean yes…that consent is ABSOLUTELY necessary.  That victim blaming is not acceptable and it doesn’t matter what someone is wearing!

It goes beyond that of course… not only should you not hurt people (yourself or others) or participate with those who do,  you also shouldn’t be a silent bystander.

If you cannot get personally involved (and sometimes you shouldn’t)…at the very least say something to those who can.

IF, you know someone who is being abused, speak up.

Remember, the smallest action on your part could make a life and death difference.

IF, you know someone who is an abuser, speak up.

One of the ways we can make a difference is by not accepting this behavior.  We have to let the perpetrators know this is not ok.

When friends and family turn a blind eye this makes both the abuser and the abused feel that what is happening is acceptable.  Break the cycle.  Educate yourself and please educate your children.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” -Edmund Burke

 

~Melanie Thomason

 

 

 

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Filed under People/Causes I believe In, Random Brain Babble, Rants

Consent

 

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No does not mean Yes

images from Pixabay

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neither forgiven nor forgotten

Image from Pixabay

Image from Pixabay

 

I do not believe I’m stronger for what I’ve gone through

I do not believe that pain and suffering build character

I know that I innately had character

and I know that I was strong to have survived

I’ve neither forgiven nor forgotten

that just doesn’t work for me

forgiveness has to be earned

and to forget would be stupid

don’t try to tell me otherwise

I don’t know if time really heals

I’m still waiting on that

but I can tell you that distance helps

as does cutting toxic people from your life

I’m still strong and I am a good person

in spite of, not because of them

and though I have moved on

and tried to bury my past

my ghosts are still breathing

~Melanie Thomason

Reblog from 2016

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Filed under Poetry

Left Behind

 

Leaving home was the only way  to

Extract herself/ still sane

From an environment

That was Toxic to her soul

Broken promises/ broken heart/ and all but broken bones

Endless cycle of abuse/ like a clothes dryer tumbling /with no kill switch

Hostage to their anger/ drowning /in a sea of their ignorance & spite

Innocence stolen/ self-esteem broken in half/ with a snap

No more/ she has left it all behind/ She is learning to love herself/ She is

Done with them!

~Melanie Thomason

Reblog from 2013

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Filed under People/Causes I believe In, Poetry, reblog